Posted in Acting, Blog, Blogger, Blogging, Coloring, Colouring, Donuts, Emails, Humor, Humour, life's lessons, Lists, Memes, Messages, Random Facts, Sarcasm, Swearing, Tales from the Cabbage Patch, Texting, Tim Horton's, Toronto Maple Leafs, Wildlife

the meme files

I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. As hard as I tried to stay out of my laptop’s meme file, the stress from watching the Toronto Maple Leafs’ versus the Washington Assholes Capitols playoff hockey game last night got the better of me. I needed a distraction and the meme file was sitting right there in front of me, like a beacon from a lighthouse calling me home. “Come to me, dear Linda, come to me. I’ll make you forget all about those mean old nasty Washington Assholes Capitols.”

And, right then and there, I was sucked back into the meme file.

That’s the thing about addiction, in periods of stress you get sucked back in. If only the Leafs would have won the hockey game, I wouldn’t have been sucked back in. See what I did there? I blamed the Leafs for my problem instead of taking responsibility it. Geez Louise, I need help.

Seeing as how we’re all here (you are still here, right?) I might as well share with you the memes I stumbled upon last night along with some more riveting facts about me because, you know, riveting (sarcasm intended).

Riveting Random Fact #11

Forget kindergarten. Every life lesson I have learned, I learned from being a life long fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Ups. Downs. Disappointment. Satisfaction. Wins. Losses. Hopes. Dreams. Cursing. Praying. Agony. Ecstasy. Meme addiction. You name it, I’ve learned it all from bleeding true blue.  ALL. THESE. FRIGGIN. YEARS.

Toronto Maple Leafs 8
This is so me. Bad language and all.

Riveting Random Fact #12

An orthodontist once told me that I would make a very good actress, not because I was being dramatic in the dental chair, but because I had such super strong facial muscles. He told me that I would be able to hold different facial expressions for long periods of time, a terrific asset for an actress. While I may not have become a world famous actress, I do act every day. At work, I can hold the “I’m really interested in your litany of complaints” look , all while I am imagining my hands around that person’s neck. True story.

hate when i gain weight
I’m still waiting to be discovered.

Riveting Random Fact #13

I have the best eyes for spotting wildlife from here to Timbuktu. Sauerkraut wants me to put this amazing gift towards a hunting licence so that I can be his official deer spotter during the annual hunt. This, of course, will never, ever happen because, well, Bambi. I mean, who can ever forget that single tear falling down Bambi’s face when the Great Prince of the Forest tells him that his mother can’t be with him anymore? I mean, really, Sauerkraut? Really?

When I see cows
The same goes for deer, sheep, alpacas, turkeys, and Canada geese because, if anything, I love diversity.

Riveting Random Fact #14

Donuts are my kryptonite. Even though I gave up sugary sweets eight months ago, nothing can bring me to my knees like looking through the glass display cabinet at Tim Horton’s. Apple fritters, chocolate dip, and old fashioned plain get me right in my achilles heel.

Jelly Filled Donut
Can you do any better?

Riveting Random Fact #15

I suck at replying to text messages, emails and Facebook messages because, you know, my mind.

Respond to texts in my head
Sorry. Not sorry.

 

Riveting Random Fact #16

I am a plant assassin. Seriously. Even though I descend from a long line of green thumbs, the gardening gene skipped me. Plants in my care always end up in plant heaven. I am a blight on the family name.

I kill plants.jpg
Something to add to my resume.

Riveting Random Fact #17

I freaking love colouring. Colouring helps keep me sane during bouts of depression, anxiety and painful MS flareups. I also colour when I am happy or when I just want to zone out (like when Sauerkraut is watching golf on the weekends). My favourite colouring book? Well, a swearing one, of course.

coloring like a boss meme2
 I am also a ‘stay inside the lines’ colouring bad ass.

Riveting Random Fact #18

I like to make lists. Whether I follow them, remember where I put them, or remember to take them with me is a whole other story. The main point is that I like to make lists.

Highlighters.jpg
It’s all about the illusion, people, all about the illusion.

Riveting Random Fact #19

I can put a positive spin on just about anything; case in point, this entire blog post. If you need to find the bright side of any situation, I’m your Pollyanna.

How to be skinny
You’re welcome.

Riveting Random Fact #20

I love puns. There’s nothing like eliciting a good groan and a eye roll from your significant other with a well played pun.

puns-puns-everywhere_o_3420217
It could end up being really ‘pun’gent.

 

That’s it, that’s all. I promise this will be my last riveting random fact, obsessive compulsive meme post because, quite frankly, I’ve run out of riveting random facts about me. I mean, I’m just not that interesting.

Besides that, I’m off to Tim Horton’s because, well, donuts.

Apple Fritter:  1
Sugar free diet:  0

Today’s something new:  I can make a post out of just about anything.


Dear Reader,

The intention of my last two posts about meme addiction is to provide a reprieve to you, my readers, from the busyness of your day. My intention is never to deliberately make fun of or make light of anyone living with addiction and/or mental illness. I know all too well the seriousness of both conditions as well as the devastation and harmful consequences that come from living with it and among it. Both alcoholism and mental illness runs rampant in my family and, to this this day, I deal with the effects of what I saw and lived with.

Writing for me, especially humorous writing, is my way of dealing with the pain of what I experienced in both my childhood and in my adulthood. Most importantly, it is my way of turning what was once a negative in my life into a positive. It is my hope that you read everything I write in this light. 

Linda

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18 thoughts on “the meme files

  1. OMG…almost peed my pants…..this was totally you!! I think I recall a plant burial that took place in the not so distant past…and the perfect work face….yes you have that one perfected as well. This is too funny….definitely reading again

  2. I was giggling with the first line. And I’ve got you beat in the green thumb department. Hell, I can kill artificial plants!
    These were wonderful. Thanks for the laughs. I needed them. 🙂

  3. “I am still waiting to be discovered.” Awesome. Just awesome. Your voice absolutely comes through, and your blog history shows you are an open and ardent supporter of mental health awareness. I don’t pick up a note of anything you’d need to include a disclaimer for, but it is so lovely for you to do that too.

  4. Linda, I love this post. Laughed my head off. I totally understand dealing with life with humor and sarcasm! My children often tell people that those two things are the love language in our home….I think they might be right. It is just how we deal with life…. we can laugh or cry…..we choose to laugh.

  5. #18 is totally me. Someone asked me recently what I like to collect and my answer was “To-Do lists.” Seriously. These were cute too. I don’t think anyone would take offense. If they do, they shouldn’t.

      1. I try to follow up with them, but they just seem to get longer and longer. However, I do also love checking stuff off of them and have been known to put something on my list that I have already done, just so I can put that check mark beside of it.

    1. I know, right? That’s the way I felt when I started reading your blog. This is exactly what the world needs, two crazy Canuckleheads who must have been separated at birth. I say we start making our plans for world domination now.

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