d is for … dammit doll

Day 19:365 Gratitude Challenge and April 5th A to Z Challenge

Today I am grateful for my ‘Dammit Doll’. A dammit doll is a 12 inch doll designed as a stress relieving tool because it can really take a whacking (trust me, I have whacked the living hell out of my dammit doll and it still lives to be whacked another day). I received my dammit doll as a ‘just because’ gift from a friend who knows me, oh, so very well. ‘Just because’ gifts are the best because they are spontaneous and make the receiver feel so very good, dammit. Dammit dolls are available in a variety of fun prints, each coming with their own special dose of dammit. Here is a picture of my dammit doll:

Isn’t he a beauty? All dammit dolls come with a dammit doll instructional poem sewn on its front which you can read here:

I love my dammit doll, dammit, and I am not afraid to say it. The fact that my friend knew how much I would need this wee fella in my crazy, twisted life just makes me love her all the more, dammit. I am also not ashamed to admit that I have whacked, slammed, stomped, banged, and voodoo pinned my dammit doll to near death.

Here are few instances when I have especially found my dammit doll to surpass its stress relieving expectations:

• Get blamed for log clogging the toilet? Grab that little dammit doll sucker by the legs and whack it repeatedly against the new toilet so that it gets the message that
  you won’t tolerate any form of log clogging from it.

• Significant other agreed that your outfit makes you look like a hobbit?  Go back to your bedroom, slam the door, take that dammit doll and slammit against the back of the door for as many times as you need to. Scream, “dammit! you bastard!” with each and every slammit.

• Out of chocolate ice cream while you are in an incredibly dangerous mood swinging situation? You have a couple of options here. 1) You can stick the dammit doll in the freezer right where the flippin’ ice cream container should be and leave it there until you calm down or 2) Drop the dammit doll on the floor and stompit until you can’t possibly stompit anymore all the while yelling, DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!

• Tried to compose a tweet on Twitter only to be left feeling like a twit because you can’t think about what to tweet? Grab the dammit doll by the head and drive that head repeatedly into a brick wall. This saves your beautiful forehead from getting all scraped and bloodied up. Let your dammit doll take one for the team, dammit.

• Sick and tired of hearing how much Oprah loves bread? Cut out a picture of Oprah’s face, fasten it to the dammit doll’s head and shove a kazillion straight pins into it. This makes the dammit doll become a voodoo dammit doll. Feel free to put any face on it that is annoying the living shit out of you. Sorry, Oprah. Not sorry.

Now before you consider calling Dammit Doll Protective Services on me for excessive abuse of my dammit doll, I think you should know that my dammit doll is very much appreciated and is treated very well in between stressful events and situations. It’s not like I have to whack, slam, stomp, bang, or vodoo pin it every single day. I mean that’s what the happy pills are for, dammit, so stop rolling your eyes and shaking your head at me.

Here are some examples of dammit doll enjoying some down time:

Dammit Doll is reading one of my favourite books:

Dammit Doll enjoying some cuddles with his snuggle buddy, Ringo:

Dammit Doll binging on House of Cards and chocolate ice cream while chugging down some Coke~Cola:

So there, dammit. Proof positive that dammit doll’s life isn’t a complete and utter living hell. My relationship with dammit doll is all about compromise like all good relationships should be. Dammit doll gives a little, I give a little. Dammit doll takes a little shit for me, well, who am I kidding? I’m not taking any shit for him. He’s on his own there, dammit. He gets some lovin’, some treats, some down time. What more could a dammit doll want, dammit?

Imagine a world if everyone had their own dammit doll? There would be so much less stress in the world so …..

…purchase a dammit doll, dammit. Beat the living shit out of it. You’ll thank me for it later.

Dammit doll: 1

Stress: 0