Several months ago (okay, so it was Christmas 2015), Sauerkraut gave me this hoodie:
The only problem with the hoodie was that it was too small at the time and, being the mature adults that we are, we talked about exchanging it for a larger size. Then, reality set it. Returning it would mean driving back to the store in the big city where he bought it, over an hour’s drive away. It was winter. It was really cold. We didn’t want to lose a day driving to Ottawa. We had other things to do over the holidays. It was just a hoodie. Truth be told, we were just too friggin’ lazy to take it back.
So, into the closet it went because of someday. Someday it would fit. Someday I would lose the weight. Someday.
Fast forward to the other night. Someday had finally arrived. I had lost some weight after giving up sugary thingies since last September. I tucked the hoodie under my arm and
hid in tried it on in the bathroom. If it didn’t fit, then right back into the closet that motherclucking hoodie would go. Sauerkraut would be none the wiser. If it did fit, then, winning.
Imagine my surprise when my anaconda-sized arms slithered into the hoodie’s sleeves. Miracles do happen! By this time, Sauerkraut was propped up in bed, engrossed in some article he was reading on his iPhone. I decided I was going to surprise him by modelling my mighty fine hoodie with my equally mighty fine cupcake pyjama bottoms right before his very eyes. Sexy visual, I know. Try to contain yourselves. I strutted my stuff across the bedroom floor like a Victoria Secret model killing the runway.
In my mind, I looked like this:
In reality, I was more like this:
Sauerkraut: Well, look at you, rocking that hoodie.
Me: I know, right?
Sauerkraut: It looks good on you.
Me: Cute as a button is what I am. It’s still a little snug but at least I can wear it around the house now. I do have one question for you, though.
Me: If I’m Rocky, does that mean you’re Bullwinkle?
Sauerkraut: That. Is. Not. What. It. Means.
Me: Then, what does it mean?
Sauerkraut: It means that I am the hunter and you are the prey.
Me: I don’t think that’s what it means at all. I thinks it means exactly what I said. I’m Rocky and you’re Bullwinkle
Sauerkraut: Isn’t Bullwinkle a moose?
Me: Yes, and Rocky is a squirell. If I’m willing to be a flying squirrel, then you should be willing to be a moose. It’s called role playing, Sauerkraut. Wouldn’t you rather be known as a manly man bull moose than as a mean old hunter stalking a poor innocent squirrel, namely, me?
Sauerkraut: Isn’t Bullwinkle a bit of a dope?
Me: I’m not sure. I’ll search the Google……….. hmmmm, it says here that Bullwinkle is a dim-witted but good-natured moose.
Sauerkraut: I knew he was an idiot.
Me: But he’s a good-natured idiot. You are good-natured. See the connection?
Sauerkraut: Are you saying I’m dim-witted?
Me: Why must you always focus on the negative?
Sauerkraut: I’m not focusing on the negative. You’re saying I’m dim-witted by calling me Bullwinkle.
Me: You’re sooooo sensitive. I’m not saying that at all. You’re the one who started this.
Sauerkraut: Me? How the hell did I start this?
Me: You gave me the hoodie with the name Rocky embroidered on it, remember? If you didn’t want me to make the connection, then you shouldn’t have given me the hoodie.
Sauerkraut: For the love of God.
Me: I think you’re jealous.
Sauerkraut: Of what?
Me: That I’m a flying squirrel and you’re not.
Sauerkraut: I’m going to sleep now.
Me: Sure. Take the easy way out. You never want to face what’s really bothering you.
Sauerkraut: Do you even hear yourself?
Me: Why, yes, yes, I do. You’ve lost this one, Sauerkraut. I am Rocky, see me fly. You are Bullwinkle, good-natured for sure but really dim-witted at this particular moment.
And, that, my friends, is how someone in this Cabbage Patch wins arguments (me) and how someone sleeps his problems away (not me).
Today’s something new: having the courage to strut my stuff like a Victoria Secret model. Eat your heart out, Heidi Klum.
YOU GO GIRL! . . . errr . . . Sexy Lady!
Haha … thanks for the encouragement 😉
Aww, you’re too sexy for your shirt! So sexy it hurts! I, too, have done little courageous things since losing some fattage. Put on jeans I bought on clearance because they were cute but then didn’t fit. The other day, before winter returned, I rocked a pair of shorts I’d never been able to wear! This getting older thing sucks, but the fact that I no longer care so much about weight and looks has made it easier to actually reach some goals! Okay, not goals. Stuff I just happened to do.
You are so right. It’s liberating not to be so focused on all the things we thought were so important when we were younger. Glad to hear about your losing some fattage (love that word btw). We’ll get that stuff done at some point.
Dammit woman! it is totally YOUR fault I now have to wear adult diapers whenever you post anything! Have pity! And yes, he is a Bullwinkle!
Oh, oh, that’s not good! George will soon be taking away your computer so you can’t read my posts anymore. If it helps, I should have shares in the Poise company by now because I have had a chronic UTI since last July. I’m finally getting to see a urologist at the end of the month which really means I will have more fodder to work with for a future post. You’ve been warned ;).
Go Rocky! 🙂
Congratulations on fitting into the hoodie.
Great piece and I love your slant on things. I blog about overcoming chronic illness too (not funny so much as how I work around illness to stay positive). I would love to add a link to your blog when I do a ‘steps to taking your mind off illness’ type of post.
Let me know
If you want to check it out before agreeing
Oh, my goodness, Ingrid! I see that you are in Ottawa; I am basically a hop, skip and a jump up the road from you (Cobden). I am deeply touched by your offer to include a link to my blog in one of your posts. Perhaps sometime we could collaborate on a piece seeing as we are of the same mindset. I would also like to include a link to your blog in a future post if you’re okay with that as well. I have always measured the success of my day by whether or not I was able to make at least one person laugh or smile despite what I may have been dealing with at the time. I truly believe that having a positive attitude makes all the difference when dealing with chronic illness or anything life throws at us for that matter. I’m so happy to connect with you. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org if you’d like to connect that way as well. Happy, happy, happy!
So grateful to you for this note. I live in Cornwall and would love to collaborate and stay in touch!
I am devoted to making my day happy despite everything and know your humour will tickle my funny bone.
I would love a link in one of your posts. I would love a guest blog by you too if you ever feel up to it!
I’ll keep your email and send you a message.
That is funny. Me, when I saw the hoodie, I was thinking of the movie. It’s been eons since I’ve thought about Rocky and Bullwinkle. Used to watch them every Saturday morning when I was a kid. They were funny together, as it sounds like you and Sauerkraut are. So, tell him I think it is perfect analogy. Where did he get hunter and prey from anyway?
He bought the hoodie at one of those outdoor stores which has a hunting section in it. I think ROCKY is a hunting clothing line. He liked it because the hood is lined with pink camouflage. Sexy, I know ;).
LOL I guess it can be sexy to the right man.
Awesome! I wish you were closer than Ottawa, but I’ll just have to keep connected to you through hilarious posts like this!
Imagine the trouble we could get into if we lived closer to one another? 😉
Oh, but it would be so worth it!
Hell, yeah, it so would be.
This sounds like a conversation my husband and I would have! Every so often he will kindly ask “Have you hit your head recently?” To which I reply “Of course not! What is wrong with you that you don’t get this?”
Loved reading this post!
I was thinking more like Rocky Balboa who is as sweet as he is tough. That scene where he kisses Adrian for the first time makes me go weak in the knees EVERY SINGLE TIME.
And yes..I’ve seen “Creed”..I didn’t care for it though. I didn’t like how they just sort of inserted this guy who was supposed to be Apollo’s lovechild. I just couldn’t see it..couldn’t see Apollo cheating on his wife.
Aaaand I’m fangirling again, aren’t I?
I’ll show myself out.
The thought of a fighter winning against all odds didn’t strike you as a potential for the logo? I think Bullwinkle just lost his train of thought after so much time had past. You won the argument in my opinion though. So you go girl; down and out fighter coming back or flying squirrel you SOAR. ~~dru~~
Awwww, thanks dru. You’ve got me thinking about a new logo now …..
You crack me up! I’m glad you’ve added a new sweatshirt to your repertoire–it’s a good feeling to fit into something you once didn’t. Go, you!
Quit picking on the poor guy. He was too tired to take you head on anyway. Dare you to try it in the morning :).
Now, Wayne, you and I both know that your buddy is no match for me when I’m on a roll no matter what time of day it is ;). Would you rather I pick on you instead?
Trying to figure out how he or I would be able to defend ourselves as you “hold the pen”. Just doesn’t seem fair?
I could possibly add that important life skill to our tutoring sessions (which we need to get started soon, ahem).
So funny…sounds like a conversation between my husband and I… Diane
Thanks, Diane. It’s amazing the different slants our conversations can take with our significant others. One thing is for sure, it’s never dull!
You are adorable 🙂 haha I really got a good laugh out of this 🙂
Why thank you! I am glad that you got a good laugh out of it; it’s the best way to roll. Thank you for stopping by the Cabbage Patch. 🙂
Such a brilliant dialogue! The best conversations are just completely random and relaxed 😀
Also, congrats on fitting into the hoodie!
Thank you, Lilly. You’re right about the best conversations being random and relaxed. We have some of our best and most random conversations while driving. 🙂
Don’t encourage her. She doesn’t need any help.
Hahahaha … you’re just missing engaging in some brilliant dialogue with me 😉