Soooooooo, I received my first negative comment on my blog. I knew it would come eventually; I just never expected it would come from someone close to me. The comment was written after my last published post, a forest dweller tried to kill me, a wild tale about my dealing with a flu bug while at our cabin in the woods. The comment went like this:
“I do not know where people get their sayings. I guess they have to act out their fantasies just to get attention of some sort. Makes no sense to me …..!”
Had the comment come from a complete stranger, I would have shrugged it off and definitely joked about it. I mean who, in their right mind, would fantasize about having the diarrhea in the middle of the night, in the middle of the bush, in an outhouse, no less, all for the sake of getting attention of some sort? I can think of far better things to fantasize about that would garner me much more positive attention than having the shits diarrhea in the bush.
But the comment wasn’t written by a stranger. It was written by someone I know well, very well, as a matter of fact, and it stung. It stung because I know the person’s intent. It wasn’t meant in jest; it was an attempt to silence me and to discourage me from writing.
However, it didn’t quite work as intended. In fact, it has had the opposite effect. I will not be silenced. I will not stop writing nor will I stop expressing myself. Writing is as much a part of me as is my father’s nose, wit, and sparkling, storytelling eyes. It has spurred me to write more, to keep at it, and to begin to write the story that is buried deep inside me that I was too afraid to write.
I did, however, let the sting sit there for a bit. I let it smoulder until it burned and then I picked myself up, dusted myself off and asked myself, “Why is it that I write? Is it for attention? Fame? Fortune? Is it because I have something worthwhile to say? Do I want to leave a legacy for my children, their children? Is it for the sake of the story? Is it a gift? A calling? A curse?”
It’s simple, really. I write because I love to. It’s natural. It’s liberating. It pours from me as easily as water from a spout. It is a release for me. It brings me tremendous joy and it takes me from the craziness of any day to deep inside my very being. Writing is as much a part of me as is breathing. It makes me feel alive and gives me a confidence I never knew I had.
I also write because I like the process. I like taking an idea, its words and descriptions, and weaving it into a relatable story. It may seem like work to others but for me, it is the opposite. It is invigorating. It breathes life into my sometimes tired soul. It is a pure and absolute, though sometimes frustrating, process and, thanks to the therapy I began back in the fall, I am beginning to see it as a gift. I am even that much closer to calling myself a writer. Goodness gracious, Aunt Matilda, hell may just have frozen over.
And, throughout the process, I am learning just as much about myself, something I was never afforded growing up, as I am about the writing process itself. I have learned that writing fiction isn’t my strong suit but writing personal essays are. I have learned that two of my high school English teachers were right after all (thank you Mr. Fleming and Mr. Price); I have words and stories begging to be written, and, that in time, they would come. I just had to be open to them.
While I don’t think my English teachers had such grandiose plans for me as my writing about plugging a toilet or farting at the most inopportune time while on a date with Sauerkraut, I do think they were trying to tell me that I could write relatable, heartfelt stories that would appeal to others. They saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself and, again, thanks to my therapist and my immediate family, friends and followers, I am beginning to see it, too.
And, thanks to all of you, I am learning that my writing does not always have to be humorous. When I wrote about my struggles with depression, a dark and serious place that I was scared as hell to write about, you embraced me and sent me the best Internet hugs. Instead of tearing me down, you built me up and told me that I was not alone in my struggle. There are no words to adequately describe what that experience taught me except, perhaps to say, that I learned that we get back what we give, sometimes tenfold.
I know that as I continue to write and publish my stories on my Tales from the Cabbage Patch blog, I am going to have to deal with criticism and negative comments. This is a risk we all take when we put ourselves out there whether it be on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or any of the other social media platforms available. We just have to know ahead of time how we are going to deal with it when it comes. My plan is to do exactly what Michelle Obama so eloquently suggested at the US Democratic National Convention in 2016, “When they go low, we go high”.
I plan on soaring … which makes perfect sense to me.
Me: 1
Troll: 0
My something new: using the ‘blocked’ feature on my social media accounts for the very first time.
Writing, often humerus, stories to which we can all relate (well mostly all anyway) is a gift, keep using it. ~~dru~~
Thanks, dru, that means the world to me.<3
Keep on writing! You’re a natural and I always enjoy your stories.
Will do, Judy! I’m too stubbornly Irish to give up ;).
Way to go girl!!!! Just don’t EVER give up.
Thanks, buddy, I needed that. I promise that I won’t ever give up (I’m too stubbornly Irish to do that anyway).
“Why is it that I write? Is it for attention? Fame? Fortune? Is it because I have something worthwhile to say? Do I want to leave a legacy for my children, their children? Is it for the sake of the story? Is it a gift? A calling? A curse?”
I’ve been asking myself much the same thing lately as I’ve been hit hard by people I thought I trusted. I’m glad you have to courage to keep going..I don’t know if I do or not. I’m considering locking my blog and making it password protected so only those with the right code word can see what I write. Because I am SICK unto death of trolls and hateful people.
Because apparently, I’m doing everything all wrong…I am depression-ing and anxiety-ing wrong. I am either too rich to be poor (which I am not rich. HA! I wish.) or not poor enough. I go on the wrong vacations (apparently) and don’t like the right things. I’m just so lost right now it’s not even funny.
But I just wanted to say, I have enjoyed your writing. 🙂 It makes me smile.
I do not understand people, especially family members. If they don’t like what they are reading, why can’t they just move on? Why must they try to tear us down rather than build us up?
All I can say is that they are jealous of our courage, our strength and our ability to rise above whatever mud they sling and whatever life throws our way.
Keep writing for you (the trolls and hateful assholes DON’T matter) and if you have to password protect your blog, then do it for you and you alone. Only, please do let me know if you do so that I can ask for the right code.
You matter and what you have to say matters. Those other hateful assholes can take a long jump off a short pier as far as I’m concerned.
Send me an email whenever you need to talk, vent, rant, rage, be silly (linda@talesfromthecabbagepatch.com). We horrible attention-seeking misfits need to stick together.
~ hugs ~
👍 keep on writing, you’re always an interesting read and wtf is up with people sometimes,, smfh *hugs*
My gawd, I love you.
I love your writing! Anyone who doesn’t is a fool! Keep being you❤️❤️
Thanks, Darlin’, I will!
Love reading what you write….it is REAL. I totally enjoyed the last post. Maybe having raised three sons and gone camping had something to do with that…there is no subtlety at our house. Love the fact that you say it how it is. Keep it up!!
Awww, thank you; your kind words mean the world to me. I can totally relate to what it’s like raising three sons and I think it is incredibly impressive that we have both survived relatively unscathed while raising them ;). It definitely was never dull around our house and they certainly brought this shy only child out of her shell. Amen for that!
I grew up with two sisters and one brother. I would always ask my husband…”Are boys always like this?” That was usually after they had just gotten done trying to hammer each other into the ground and then moved on to be best buddies again—all in the space of 5 minutes.
Sharing of your self with strangers is difficult. But it is worthy! People read your words and are comforted to know that there is someone else out there that understands. The people who don’t understand are the ones that are negative and the issue is theirs, not ours. Keep on keeping on my friend!
I certainly will! Thanks for your encouraging words; they mean the world to me.
Some people are just not happy unless they’re tearing somebody down. It is almost as if they want others to be as miserable as them. Keep doing what makes you happy and don’t feed the trolls.
No troll feeding from this gal. The negativity came from a family member who definitely does want to tear the rest of us down. I refuse to play the game, hence, the negative comment. I plan to keep on keeping on.
Professional are amateurs that never quit.
If you are a writer, then nothing can stop you writing.
Exactly! Well said … thank you 🙂
Good move! Your blog always is interesting, well-written, and worth a stop to read.
Thank you! I really appreciate your kind comments and encouragement. 🙂
Awww. I am so sorry that someone, especially someone that you know, is being negative about your writing. As I have said in the past, I really enjoy your style and the story about your camping trip was so entertaining. I’m glad that you are using the experience to push you forward in your writing. Good for you.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and encouragement. I can’t express what it means to me other than to say, thank you, thank you, thank you! <3
I write a family law blog, and while I’ve gotten the occasional “you’re WRONG!” comment, I’ve only had one that I’d call negative. I was able to respond to the ones who said I was wrong by clarifying and explaining, from a legal and logical standpoint. The really negative one, however, was a personal attack from the ex husband of a client of mine. Unfortunately, he spells his common name the same different way that my ex husband does–and so my ex got a nasty email response from me, since I thought it was him. THAT was embarrassing. “Are you drunk?” was my ex’s response. And then I looked more closely at all of it, and saw what I’d done, and wrote an apology to the ex. Who, to his credit, responded graciously and said he was sorry I had to deal with those types of horrible people.
And I deleted the jackass ex of my client’s comment 😬.
Oh em geeeeeee! Thank you for sharing your story with me; I couldn’t help but smile while reading it because it sounds exactly like something I would do.
One thing I’ve learned is that if we don’t laugh at the jackasses of the world (and block them when we need to), the alternative is far worse and there’s no way I’m letting a jackass take me down…EVER.
I bet it felt good to delete the jackass’ comment ;).
Don’t ever stop. Ever. You never know when something you write is going to strike a chord, and make a huge difference for someone in this world. Also, you are hilarious!! Hilarious!
I promise, I won’t stop. EVER. I’m going to get you some Canadian-coloured pompoms because you have been my best cheerleader from the get go. Thank you for that. Hugs!
YOU are a writer and a damn good one, so don’t you let that troll cloud that creative brain of yours with self-doubt. Keep writing about whatever you goddamn well feel like writing about, and keep feeding your beautiful soul. I am a big fan, and am so glad I found your blog! And people who want to keep you down can totally suck it!
Thank you so much! You speak my language so well 😉 and I am so happy that I have all these comments to re-read whenever certain family members try to keep me down again. You’re the best!
The blogging community is an extraordinary place, and I have found so much support when I have needed it. And I am glad that the community stepped up in a big way to remind you how truly gifted and awesome you are! We got your back, girl!
Thank you so much! 🙂 <3
Looks like that negative comment didn’t have the intended effect after all. Sounds like it spurred a renewed drive to blog more, blog better, blog louder and BLOG PROUDER!
love it
You’re so right, Gabe! The comment was written by a family member and, because I know him so well and what his intentions are when it comes to me, it’s given me a renewed “I’ll show you!” attitude.
Thanks for your comments; I really appreciate them. It’s really something when the blogging community comes together for one of their own. It’s reinforced what my definition of family is. <3
I still get to be the crotchety old Uncle with a knack for saying weird stuff during family get-togethers, right?
Damn, right you do! Looking forward to it 🙂
That’s ridiculous. I’ve never gotten a negative comment on a post, but I got a negative review on a book I wrote.
Talk about devastating. It shook me up for almost 2-3 weeks. It hurt that bad. But, that was a random stranger (or was it? lol I don’t know) and it almost made me quit.
I’m happy this made you more determined to write and not less.
What’s even more ridiculous is that the comment was written by my uncle. Go figure.
I can only imagine how devastated you felt after receiving a negative review on your book, something that you poured your heart and soul into. I am happy to hear, however, that you didn’t quit. It hurts like hell sometimes to get back up after we fall but, once we dust ourselves off and continue on, the rewards are tenfold.
Thank you for stopping by the Cabbage Patch and sharing your story with me. Friends are the family we surround ourselves with and I am happy you have come into the fold. 🙂 <3
use it as power, to inspire you to keep doing what you’re doing. exactly as you are –
Thank you and, yes, I will use it as power. I am also glad that I have all these wonderful comments to refer back to if I ever feel like I’m starting to lose my power; they will invigorate and motivate to get back it back. 🙂 <3
You have captured what I have been trying to say for some time now. I have all but disconnected my Facebook account because of negative comments from real life “friends” who know me in the physical world. I am not as eloquent as you but just this morning in my post No More Secrets, I attempted to “verbalize” how I felt about what’s been referred to as “airing my dirty laundry”
This post! Makes PERFECT sense to me too. I mean it is like you reached right in and read my mind!!!!!
I am so glad to hear that my post made perfect sense to you. It also brings me tremendous comfort knowing that my words have affected someone in a positive way. I’ll make you deal … print off a copy of my post as will I and keep it close by. This way, we’ll both have something to turn to when the naysayers rear their ugly heads. It will remind us both of why we write and will motivate us to keep on writing.
If you ever need a safe place to talk or vent, email me at linda@talesfromthecabbagepatch.com. We can commiserate together ;).
P.S.: I’m heading over to read your post now.
Thanks Linda! Much appreciated. I will do just that. I definitely need reminders. Sometimes the world is a bit much.
Isn’t it though? Sometimes, when I think that I can’t possibly go on, the kindness and support of strangers swoop in and tell me that, indeed, I can. The blogging community is amazing and, if ever I can be of any support to you, please do not hesitate to ask. There’s nothing wrong with building our own support group to be there for us when our supposedly family and friends try to tear us down.
Definitely agree on all counts. I used to cringe asking for help and now if I need it, then I just do. My turn will come to do the same one. If that I’m sure.
<3
I have seen many good bloggers leaving because of harsh and stupid comments from trolls who are envious of them. I have read some of your posts and they are just great.
Let that “close” person live their envy and give them some love because that is what they are really looking for.
Your writing is terrific. Congratulations I have enjoyed being here and PLEASE keep writing, we need more of your talent and less rubbish online.
Thank you very much!!!!
Thank you so much! I can’t tell you what your kind and encouraging words mean to me other than to say they mean everything. They also give me the encouragement to keep writing and doing what I love. It never ceases to amaze me how one minute I can be torn down by a supposedly loved family member and then, in the next, be built back up by people I have never met. It simply restores my faith in humanity. Thank you for being a part of that.
Thank YOU for sharing this. There are many people in the same situation, your words will help them to continue on their path.
And remember family members are there to teach us the toughest lessons. And you passed your test with flying colours! Thank you!
<3
Mean people suck
Yes, they do suck. It sucks that much more when the mean people are your supposedly family. Thanks for dropping by the Cabbage Patch :).
You just can’t keep a fabulous woman down, go you, write your stories. The naysayers can choose to read or not to read.
You’re so right! The naysayers can take a hike and let us fabulous women keep on writing. Thanks for your encouraging words <3.