I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. As hard as I tried to stay out of my laptop’s meme file, the stress from watching the Toronto Maple Leafs’ versus the Washington Assholes Capitols playoff hockey game last night got the better of me. I needed a distraction and the meme file was sitting right there in front of me, like a beacon from a lighthouse calling me home. “Come to me, dear Linda, come to me. I’ll make you forget all about those mean old nasty Washington Assholes Capitols.”
And, right then and there, I was sucked back into the meme file.
That’s the thing about addiction, in periods of stress you get sucked back in. If only the Leafs would have won the hockey game, I wouldn’t have been sucked back in. See what I did there? I blamed the Leafs for my problem instead of taking responsibility it. Geez Louise, I need help.
Seeing as how we’re all here (you are still here, right?) I might as well share with you the memes I stumbled upon last night along with some more riveting facts about me because, you know, riveting (sarcasm intended).
Riveting Random Fact #11
Forget kindergarten. Every life lesson I have learned, I learned from being a life long fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Ups. Downs. Disappointment. Satisfaction. Wins. Losses. Hopes. Dreams. Cursing. Praying. Agony. Ecstasy. Meme addiction. You name it, I’ve learned it all from bleeding true blue. ALL. THESE. FRIGGIN. YEARS.
Riveting Random Fact #12
An orthodontist once told me that I would make a very good actress, not because I was being dramatic in the dental chair, but because I had such super strong facial muscles. He told me that I would be able to hold different facial expressions for long periods of time, a terrific asset for an actress. While I may not have become a world famous actress, I do act every day. At work, I can hold the “I’m really interested in your litany of complaints” look , all while I am imagining my hands around that person’s neck. True story.
Riveting Random Fact #13
I have the best eyes for spotting wildlife from here to Timbuktu. Sauerkraut wants me to put this amazing gift towards a hunting licence so that I can be his official deer spotter during the annual hunt. This, of course, will never, ever happen because, well, Bambi. I mean, who can ever forget that single tear falling down Bambi’s face when the Great Prince of the Forest tells him that his mother can’t be with him anymore? I mean, really, Sauerkraut? Really?
Riveting Random Fact #14
Donuts are my kryptonite. Even though I gave up sugary sweets eight months ago, nothing can bring me to my knees like looking through the glass display cabinet at Tim Horton’s. Apple fritters, chocolate dip, and old fashioned plain get me right in my achilles heel.
Riveting Random Fact #15
I suck at replying to text messages, emails and Facebook messages because, you know, my mind.
Riveting Random Fact #16
I am a plant assassin. Seriously. Even though I descend from a long line of green thumbs, the gardening gene skipped me. Plants in my care always end up in plant heaven. I am a blight on the family name.
Riveting Random Fact #17
I freaking love colouring. Colouring helps keep me sane during bouts of depression, anxiety and painful MS flareups. I also colour when I am happy or when I just want to zone out (like when Sauerkraut is watching golf on the weekends). My favourite colouring book? Well, a swearing one, of course.
Riveting Random Fact #18
I like to make lists. Whether I follow them, remember where I put them, or remember to take them with me is a whole other story. The main point is that I like to make lists.
Riveting Random Fact #19
I can put a positive spin on just about anything; case in point, this entire blog post. If you need to find the bright side of any situation, I’m your Pollyanna.
Riveting Random Fact #20
I love puns. There’s nothing like eliciting a good groan and a eye roll from your significant other with a well played pun.
That’s it, that’s all. I promise this will be my last riveting random fact, obsessive compulsive meme post because, quite frankly, I’ve run out of riveting random facts about me. I mean, I’m just not that interesting.
Besides that, I’m off to Tim Horton’s because, well, donuts.
Apple Fritter: 1
Sugar free diet: 0
Today’s something new: I can make a post out of just about anything.
Dear Reader,
The intention of my last two posts about meme addiction is to provide a reprieve to you, my readers, from the busyness of your day. My intention is never to deliberately make fun of or make light of anyone living with addiction and/or mental illness. I know all too well the seriousness of both conditions as well as the devastation and harmful consequences that come from living with it and among it. Both alcoholism and mental illness runs rampant in my family and, to this this day, I deal with the effects of what I saw and lived with.
Writing for me, especially humorous writing, is my way of dealing with the pain of what I experienced in both my childhood and in my adulthood. Most importantly, it is my way of turning what was once a negative in my life into a positive. It is my hope that you read everything I write in this light.
Linda